Tweedledee and Tweedledum

 

 

Tweedledum and Tweedledee

 

    

     And now which of these finger-posts ought I to follow, I wonder?"

     It was not a very difficult question to answer, as there was only one road through the wood, and the two finger-posts both pointed along it.  "I’ll settle it", Alice said to herself, "when the road divides and they point different ways."

     But this did not seem likely to happen.  She went on and on, a long way, but wherever the road divided, there were sure to be two finger-posts pointing the same way, one marked "TO TWEEDLEDUM’S HOUSE", and the other "TO THE HOUSE OF TWEEDLEDEE".

     "I do believe", said Alice at last, "That they live in the same house!  I wonder I never thought of that before – But I ca’n’t stay there long.  I’ll just call and say ‘How d’ye do?’ and ask them the way out of the wood.  If I could only get to the Eighth Square before it gets dark!"

     So she wandered on, talking to herself as she went, till, on turning a sharp corner, she came upon two fat little men, so suddenly that she could not help starting back, but in another moment she recovered herself, feeling sure that they must be

 

Tweedledum and Tweedledee

 

 

 

 

     There were standing under a tree, each with an arm round the other’s neck, and Alice knew which was which in a moment, because one of them had ‘DUM’ embroidered on his collar, and the other ‘DEE’.  "I suppose they’ve each got ‘TWEEDLE’ round at the back of the collar, "she said to herself.

     They stood so still that she quite forgot they were alive, and she was just going round to see if the word ‘TWEEDLE’ was written at the back of each collar, when she was startled by a voice coming from the one marked ‘DUM’.

     "If you think we’re wax-works," he said, "you ought to pay, you know.  Wax-works weren’t made to be looked at for nothing.  Nohow!

     "Contrariwise," added the one marked ‘DEE’, "if you think we’re alive, you ought to speak."

     "I’m sure I’m very sorry," was all Alice could say; for the words of the old song kept ringing through her head like the ticking of a clock, and she could hardly help saying them out loud:

 

"Tweedledum and Tweedledee

Agreed to have a battle;

For Tweedledum said Tweedledee

Had spoiled his nice new rattle.

 

Just then flew down a monstrous crow,

As black as a tar-barrel;

Which frightend both the heroes so,

They quite forgot their quarrel."

 

     "I know what you’re thinking about, "said Tweedledum; "but it isn’t so, nohow."

     "Contrariwise," continued Tweedledee, "if it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn’t, it ain’t.  That’s logic."

     "I was thinking," Alice said politely, "which is the best way out of this wood: it’s getting so dark.  Would you tell me, please?"

     But the fat little men only looked at each other and grinned.

     They looked so exactly like a couple of great schoolboys, that Alice could’t help pointing her finger at Tweedledum, and saying "First boy!"

     "Nohow!"  Tweedledum cried out briskly, and shut his mouth up again with a snap.

     "Newt Boy!" said Alice, passing on to Tweedledee, though she felt quite certain he would only shout out "Contrariwise!" and so he did.

     "You’ve begun wrong!"cried Tweedledum.  "The first thing in a visit is to say ‘How d’ye do?’ and shake hands!"  And here the two brothers gave each other a hug, and then they held out the two hands that were free, to shake hands with her.

     Alice did not like shaking hands with either of them first, for fear of hurting the other one’s feelings; so, as the best way out of the difficulty, she took hold of both hands at once: the next moment they were dancing round in a ring.  This seemed quite natural (she remembered afterwards), and she was not even surprised to hear music playing: it seemed to come from the tree under which they were dancing, and it was done (as well as she could make it out) by the branches rubbing one across the other, like fiddles and fiddle-sticks.